[from Collected Works, T.E.Brown]

A DIALOGUE BETWEEN HOM-VEG AND BALLURE'S RIVER

HOM-VEG

HOULD on then, I tell ye ! Do ye see yandhar wall,
You sniffikan' ¹ dirt, and the other as tall
Lek opposite lek, and sides like a sewer's,
A' puppus to stop such perseedin's as yours —
Masther D., that have built them, because he's intarmint
To bring you to raison, you bothersome varmint !
In a million of years you've stole a good fut
From the bank, yes you have. Aw, it's aisv to "chut "
And blackguard and give sauce. But I'll tell ye! look here!
It's just go'n a' stoppin'. What capers ! Don' keer ?
You inslin' monkey! I'll see about that !
You slippery vagabone ! Rat-a-tat-tat'.
You'll go your own way, will ye ? navar say die
You're a freeborn river — Aye man, aye!
I've got ye ! I've got ye ! Now, aisy, magellya ²
Be dacen', be dacen', be dacen', I tell ye.
And I know there's a tongue at ye, tongue thallure ³
But none of your tongue or your cheek at Ballure !
Such ramblin' and amblin',
Such bustlin' and scramblin',
Such booin' and sthooin'
And hullabalooin' !
Such work, you young Turk,
Wiss a jump and a jerk And a shy and a toss,
Like a runaway boss,
And the jiggin' and joggin',
And all the lape-froggin' —
Ondacen' it is ;
And the buzz and the bizz,
And the fuss and the fizz
And altogathar, ye 'nointed young divil,
Be civil! will ye ? Will ye be civil?
Will ye ? won't ye ? Str'ight then, str'ight
Nither the leff nor nither the right —
And no nizin',³ no, nor a sigh nor a mutter,
Just humblin' —bumblin' 'twix your gutter.
D'ye hear ? d'ye hear ?

RIVER

O dear! O dear!

HOM-VEG

What did they larn ye up in the mountain ?
Nothin', I think, that's much accountin'.

RIVER

No, no! Only to go,
To flow,
To fling my spray in the sunny glow,
To splash,
To dash,
Heels over head with a crazy crash.

HOM-VEG

So that's your arly eddication
Lek accordin' to your station ?
And just the smallest taste of a mill
'd ha been a dale more 'spectable.
But times is changed. So that'll do.

RIVER

O wirrasthru ! ⁵ O wirrasthru !
O, that beast of an arch ! O, that beast of a wall !

HOM-VEG

Aisy, for all!

RIVER

O the ferns and the cushags '.

HOM-VEG

Hushags! hushags!
Lek we're say'n' to the pigs.

RIVER

O the barley-rigs !
O the bees and the bells
And the lovely smells!
O the winds a blowin'

HOM-VEG

What's all this O-in' ?

RIVER

O heaven! O earth
Thay gave me birth.

HOM-VEG

Goodness grayshurs ! you're as good as a play.
And ar'n' ye lavin' them anyway?
No sense nor nothin' —the little sinner'.
I wish he'd be off, for I'm wantin' my dinner.
Now what can you expec' ?
The tip of the ear, or the scruff of the neck —

RIVER

And must I no more
Speed down to the shore
With a frisk and a frolic ?
You old man diabolic,
With a shout and a rout
And an in and an out,
And a sly little kiss for the toes
Of the woman that's washin' the clothes ?

HOM-VEG

Did ye avar ? I navar ! the rip
Kissin', is it ? What lip!
I'm clane inshamed,
And the lek that shud'n' be named ;
But young people now — but it's in the blood —

RIVER

Good-bye then, good-bye then! old stick-in-the-mud!
O the strong ! O the free !
O the space, and the strength of the sea !

1 Insignificant
2 My Boy
3 Enough
4 Noise.
5 A cry of woe.