[From Letters of Bishop Hildesley]

Letter LXIV

Whitehaven, October 20, 1767.

This takes its chance of getting over before me to acquaint my friends in the Isle of my present situation, weather-bound at Whitehaven, where I have been ever since Wednesday, the 14th. I presume my brother Moore had some account of me from Auckland by the hand of my amanuensis; since which time my name has probably appeared in the publick papers, which may have rendered manuscript notifications needless. Since I have been here my kind patron has sent me sundry congratulatory epistles from friends; amongst the rest, one from my register, but none from the rector of Kirk Bride; "because he was not a letter in my debt, and because he expected I should have been nearer home."

That my mind hankers after home will not be wondered at. If opportunity offers, you'll acquaint my sister with my situation, though, possibly, if the weather should take up, I may be at home before your notice. Be that as it will, at home or abroad, or wherever placed I am sure to be yours, whilst me, who knows them not and you may also add, "Every one feels for himself or herself." However, sir, if others feel for them too, you will not say there is no sort of alleviation, I know it is, and a great one too. It helps mightily to support the burthen, As far as I can understand this worthy brother of ours was carried off by a gout-fever in his head, which had been flying about for some time, and, at last fatally fixed on the vital part.

I am now acquainting my lady with the great loss I have sustained here, by the death of a worthy Clergyman's worthy Consort; a loss, which I shall sensibly feel, as of a whom I visited with the greatest pleasure in the town where she lived. Poor woman! If her ladyship could know how rejoiced she was at my late preferment, and how anxious to come and tell me so, but prevented by illness, I am sure my lady would say, "I shall love her memory, for loving my friend Mark so well."

And now, give me leave to ask you one question, or, perhaps, to repeat what I have asked before. Would you have chosen, if you might, to have left a very affectionate wife to grieve some years for the loss of you (and which must have proportionately severe to the love she bore you), than for you to bear that trial, by her resting from worldly pain and sorrow of every kind? Think of this, my friend, and you will then think, what is, is best. "No," say you; "but I should willingly have gone with her, if it had so pleased God." Possibly so, in the height and anguish of your grief. But do you not remember the story of the man, who, being depressed with trouble, and weary of life, and calling for death to take him out of it, when death came, told him he only wanted him to lift up the bundle of sticks upon his back; and so walked on?

We read of the custom, in ancient times (and which possibly may still remain), in some distant parts of the East, for the wife to fling herself voluntarily on the funeral pile, to be consumed with her dead husband. But I do not remember that it is usual for the like loving compliment to be paid to a deceased wife. I have known instances of surviving wives attempting to hurl themselves after their husbands into the grave, at the funeral; amd to have been, not without difficulty, restrained. These, however, are the effects of violent agitation, and when, for a time, the chief mourner is bereft of reason. I underwent a trial myself, which I now think it would have been as well if my friends had been so kind as to prevent — I mean, in attending my wife's corpse to the grave. I imagined it had been the constant custom here; or I am sure I should not have attempted it. Your friends, I think, were wiser than to permit or encourage you to do the like.

You see, I fill my paper with whatever occurs; and hope you will take all in good part, to amuse you, as well as to soothe and coincide with your present state and circumstances. It will help to spend your grief, and to vent and unburthen your sorrows.

As to religious arguments for submission, I kmow you are sufficiently furnished with them, not to need receiving, any from me. I chiefly consider nature, and offer sentiments principally on that head; and I am, dear sir, your affectionate and faithful friend,

Mark Sodor & MANN.